It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
