i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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