i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just high enough for therapy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
