I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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