...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
