A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
