and i looked up. we had an audience...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Randomize
