nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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