Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
