I seem to have left my pride at pride
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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