Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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