so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
