Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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