you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
