At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
