he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
pray to the hookup gods
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
