You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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