I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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