sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
