Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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