I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize