Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize