Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize