Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize