There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it's great music for shaving your balls
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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