My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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