So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
