i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
