I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
