That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I deserve this hangover.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize