everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
