The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize