Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
