literally had 100 drinks last night.
i would punch a child for taco bell
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
