I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize