If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
