Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
