I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
