question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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