I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
