Plan B is the new Plan A
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize