Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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