When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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