fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
