I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
