Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she looked like the before picture.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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