I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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