just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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