Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
