I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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