Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
