I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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