he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
