i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
