the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
