You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't think brook has ever known best
there was a trapeze. enough said
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
