You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
