What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
