she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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