True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize