you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize