I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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