Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
