I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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