I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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