break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
