apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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