I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
