Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
