someone owes me an orgasm
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
