Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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