I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
