1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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