he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
