GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
